Dealing with Good and Problem Parents

I believe in adopting a zero tolerance policy for bad behavior for the youth football team you are coaching. I am writing in the parent section of the book so let me explain what I mean be zero tolerance. If you have done what has been suggested, and set the ground rules up front early in the year at the parent meeting, then I do not believe in second chances. There are not a lot of rules and most of them are just common courtesy.

There is no tolerance for any parent to question or complain to you in public. Coaching youth football is a voluntary position and everyone including the parents should respect you.

If a parent has a question make sure, you have a way and a time for them to approach you. In a private manner, it is fine to ask any questions they may have, but not in front of an audience.

Please check with your youth football administration regarding your zero tolerance policy and have their approval before the season starts. Most youth football programs will applaud your efforts to keep things under control.

The penalties I have used for noncompliant parents has ranged from suspending them from games, suspending them from our youth football practices and kicking them out of the league.

I used to wonder how some people can be jerks all the time. I have concluded there are just bad people in this world. I assume they live miserable lives, have crappy jobs and are “the glass is half empty” kind of people. These people look to make everyone else miserable and you as the coach of the youth football team become a primary target.

Just because some jerk cannot stand his life or job does not give him/her the right to disrespect you, you’re coaching staff or your youth football team. These parents are never satisfied. They are critical of everything, from the offense you run to the way you run a practice. You need to have a game plan in place for when one of these jerks try making trouble for you.

Many times, it has nothing to do with you, but the parents have issues with some other kid’s parents on the team. Conflicts from another sport start to creep into your youth football team.

First, have a zero tolerance policy for all parents. Make sure at the parent’s youth football meeting you set the rules. Let them know what is not allowed at practices and games. Tell them when they can approach you and when it is not a good time. I have had nut jobs make a scene at games or interrupt an entire practice. I always make myself available before and after practice for any questions.

Second, let the parent’s know there will be consequences if they do not listen. Do not make threats just tell them the facts. You have to make sure your youth football’s administration will back you up. My favorite consequence is playing time for their child. Nothing shuts up the big mouth quicker than this. You again need to check with the youth football administration and if it is Ok sit the player down. Unfortunaly, it does come to this with some idiots.

Third, ban them from all youth football events. If the situation goes beyond sitting their kid, ban them. I have had Dad’s watch the youth football game form their car in the parking lot. His choice since he knew he could not bite his tongue.

Fourth, file charges with the local authorities. I have been threatened just one time in 20 plus years but all it takes is one nut job and who knows what will happen. If anyone makes a physical or verbal threat be prepared to involve the authorities.

I know we have covered the really extreme cases but you can expect some parents to challenge you for a variety of reasons. As a head coach of a youth football team, you need to be ready on how to handle this.

Most of the parents are good people. Most of the parents will be good or neutral. The helpful parents you will want to embrace. There are always a handful of parents that will support your effort while coaching the youth football team.

You want to let them be of assistance in every way possible. These parents can also be your ears on the sidelines. If you are having a rough year please ask these parents for their input. You will want to know who is saying what on the sidelines. The good and neutral parents understand and appreciate the time you are volunteering to coach their child’s youth football.

It is quite OK to socialize with the parents, but I would suggest not getting too close. If they think, you are their “buddy” they might start looking for so “perks”.

I remember about 18 years ago getting way too close to a group of parents. It was even worse since we had the same group of players for both our youth football team for two years and our youth basketball team for three years. I will never forget being in a tight game and the one parent blurting aloud, “Hey Jim, How about throwing one of those deep passes to Eric”? In an instant, I knew I had become to close to these parents.

One of the many considerations you must make when coaching youth football is the parents of the players. Problem parents are the reason I stopped coaching after my first 15-year run. Problem parents can ruin a good season and make a bad season unbearable.

There is a wide range of problems from the parents who question everything you do, to the loud mouth at the games or practices. I will explain what I look for going into my youth football tryouts. This is not a foolproof system, but it helps weed out the majority of problems or at least it gives you a heads up.

I have found many different tips you can use as a warning sign. These tips should be used as a general guide. First, talk to the previous youth football coach. He will have some insight as to the demeanor of the parents. Talk to the Head Coach and as many of the assistants as possible. Make sure you know the personalities of each coach so you can put their assessment in the proper context. Second, I would talk to the Board of Directors about any player whom the previous coaches have warned about. I would do this only in the extreme situation where you have heard nothing good about a certain player’s parents. Third, I talk to the other parents. This one can be a little tricky since some parents just do not get a long or are jealous of each other.

This is a good foundation for you to have before the youth football evaluations or tryouts begin. During thee evaluations week I always assign an assistant to “monitor the parents”. By this, I mean I have an assistant watching what is going on and make sure he is available to answer any questions the parents may have. Many times the problem parents just cannot help themselves when there is someone available to complain to. These parents are slitting their own throat and do not even realize it.

Coaching youth football is handling more than just the kids. You need to have complete control over as much as possible. You really want to have NO surprises.

I can guarantee that none of this is fool proof. You will get the occasional parent to slip through the cracks, or their son is such a stud you decide to take the risk. Read on and you will see how I handle this situation while coaching youth football.